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Okay, You’ve gone too far Assange! You’ve gotten a...
Okay, You’ve gone too far Assange! You’ve gotten a hold of my diary and I’m not happy about it. And before we get started, stop calling it a god damned “notebook” Mr. Assange. It’s a fucking diary,...
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Dear god, I woke up today not to the smell of coffee brewing,...
Dear god, I woke up today not to the smell of coffee brewing, sunshine through my window, or an alarm clock. I woke up to a slight funk emanating from my kitchen. Upon opening my bedroom door, that...
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As it turns out, watching Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the...
As it turns out, watching Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull until 2 in the morning doesn’t make it any better than the first time you watched it. In fact, it only makes you slightly...
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I’d like to slap Bank of America’s CEO in the face. ...
I’d like to slap Bank of America’s CEO in the face. And if he has a baby or small children, I’d like to smack them, too. I hope the CEO gets a paper cut of magnanimous proportion. I was recently...
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This is the amazing gift I just received: Autographed copy of...
This is the amazing gift I just received: Autographed copy of TR’s “Villa Incognito” Here are some gift ideas that, if I had received, I would have still been much less happy with: A shark with gold...
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These are my broken dreams. Six numbers that could have been. I...
These are my broken dreams. Six numbers that could have been. I had planned on winning the Mega Millions lotto jackpot with a dollar I found on the ground. In fact, I have a confession to make. I...
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Oh my, I narrowly escaped the NYC blizzard alive. Updating this...
Oh my, I narrowly escaped the NYC blizzard alive. Updating this blog sustained me in my time of need. I had to walk home from the Bergen Street G stop, because it wasn’t running any further. The...
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It’s been so long. The holidays can get crazy right? ...
It’s been so long. The holidays can get crazy right? It’s just so hard to keep up blogging when you’re glued to the Christmas tree, and staring at the New Years ball. But, I’m back now. I’ll try...
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In an attempt to be absolutely irresistable towards women,...
In an attempt to be absolutely irresistable towards women, I’ve been reading “Eat, Pray, Love” on the subway for the last 14 months. Actually, I’m not really reading. Shhh…don’t tell. I’ve just got...
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This movie holds up. Flight of the Navigator doesn’t hold...
This movie holds up. Flight of the Navigator doesn’t hold up. As much as I want that movie to be as special as it was in my childhood, it just doesn’t cut it. In Time Cop, Jean-Claude Van Damme gives...
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I was going to write a nostalgic post about my childhood and...
I was going to write a nostalgic post about my childhood and having a container for our Velveeta. But, then I googled Velveeta and this picture came up. And thusly the marriage of two of my favorite...
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These are posters the MTA has put up in regards to the...
These are posters the MTA has put up in regards to the improvements on the subway they’ve been making. I can’t help but feel that they describe my life all too well. There only needs to be a dash...
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What the fuck! We’re way over my quota for thinking about...
What the fuck! We’re way over my quota for thinking about Egypt so far this year. Usually I’m allotted a couple of “The Nile, denial” jokes, but this is insane. There’s more coverage of Egypt on the...
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I’ve made a huge mistake. My helper monkey hasn’t...
I’ve made a huge mistake. My helper monkey hasn’t come back home yet. Due to recent inclement weather here in NYC, I’ve decided to send my helper monkey out for errands rather than risk going outside...
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I’d love to know the amount of calories I consumed last...
I’d love to know the amount of calories I consumed last night for the Superbowl. I’m confident the number would insult both the average citizen as well as starving African children. I’m the Oskar...
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Can being Catholic get any better? Finally, you folks can...
Can being Catholic get any better? Finally, you folks can confess to your phone. Now I’ve been doing this for years already. But, it’s just me talking into my phone. Catholics finally legitimized...
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Finally the day has come. I’m allowed to exchange the...
Finally the day has come. I’m allowed to exchange the rock I keep in my pocket for an iphone. Verizon and Apple have seen fit to bond together in a harmonious coupling. Like sweet and sour to...
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Hey Egypt, Nice try on having a really cool revolution, but...
Hey Egypt, Nice try on having a really cool revolution, but you’re 235 years late. The United States did it already. And we didn’t use Facebook. We would have killed to have the tools to organize...
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Dear God, It’s a scene out of Terminator. I’m...
Dear God, It’s a scene out of Terminator. I’m thinking of the one where the machine that looks like a human comes into the human base camp and starts lighting people up. Well, they’ve finally made a...
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I missed fashion week? I thought I smelled eating disorders in...
I missed fashion week? I thought I smelled eating disorders in the air. I thought it was just a coincidence that I felt an urge this morning to throw up the bagel I had just eaten. You can’t deny...
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